Let's go germany
Back On Familiar Ground
Be prepared for some bad jokes
and even worse grammar, it’s my time to write a blog post.
I'll Be Back!
Our arrival in Germany came after an 11 day slog through France, Belgium and Holland. It took 4.9km and 18 minutes of riding in Germany before we got on a train. This is not to say that the bike paths were bad or we have anything against Aachen, it’s purely that we were (unfortunately) running out of time to get Jana to a hen party in Erfurt! There would be enough Kilometers of riding in Germany, as you will find out in a couple of minutes.
Smelly Cheese and German Culture
We took the train from Aachen to Fulda and were looking forward to sitting down and the ease at which the Deutsche Bahn makes it for travellers with bikes. Basically, cabins with more practical space than in the UK. We sat next to each other, in the direction of travel, opposite a well dressed couple. It was past our lunchtime and we were both looking forward to tucking into the oversized bread roll (what people in the UK may know as a bin lid) we had picked up in Maastricht. The bread roll paired perfectly with the aged Gouda we had also acquired earlier in the day. As the train filled and after a few mouthfuls we began to realise the situation and started giggling. Our middle aged Gouda was rather strong. When the train came to the next stop, some seats freed a few rows away, as people got off at their stop. The well dressed couple opposite also stood up, the lady looked at us and apologised, then instead of getting off the train, moved to the now empty seats a few rows away. Whilst giggling to ourselves and without really realising, we had managed to clear part of the train carriage. We hope the cheese was the culprit and no other smells coming from the two bike packers…
The cycling route from Fulda to Wiesenthal, our destination, appeared easy on Komoot. Maybe our legs were just tired but it was anything but easy. Continuing our love for interesting vending machines, we picked up some local smoked sausages en-route from a “Wurstautomat” which helped us power up the hills to Wiesenthal. The convenience of the modern world is sometimes magical.
Our weekends were then somewhat different. Jana went off with Luise and her friends for a hen-party in Erfurt whilst Eric and I indulged in local Thuringia culture (celebrating an Eintracht Frankfurt Europaleague win involving 2 Liter Glass boots filled with apple wine and traditional Ham Hock (“Haxe” in German) cooked in an outdoor bread oven – thank you Maik and Annelie).
The pork fun in Wiesenthal wasn’t over yet. When the girls returned, we were spoiled to pulled pork cooked in a Dutch oven as our last supper before it was time to leave Eric and Luise in peace and continue our journey.
Bureaucracy, Insurance and Scapegoats
We had some final paperwork to complete in Würzburg before we could leave Germany for countries afar. As with the “lost” passports on our way to Brussels on our very first day of travelling, I got blamed (again) for losing our German registration forms. This meant that we couldn’t deregister from our german health insurance (Krankenkasse). Insurance, for a German, is a massive deal. So for Jana, me losing this form is a matter of life and death. Jana had “looked for hours” in every folder we had left behind at her parents house. About to call off our travel plans, Jana demanded I assist in looking. Low and behold in the first folder I look in, there are the registration forms. Travel plans saved and second example of Joel the scapegoat behind us we left Würzburg along the river Main.
Misunderstandings and a Camp Full of Children
It was another hot day at the start of June and the cyclepath along the river Main was brilliant. There were lots of young families out and about enjoying the play areas, there were BBQs, beer gardens and plenty of places to jump in the water to cool down. I however declined the opportunity as I wanted our first day back on the bikes to be a productive one, much to Jana’s disappointment. I would come to regret this decision though as when we arrived at our campsite, with a pool next door, it was already too cold to swim!
Later that day, on our way to Uffenheim, we were half overtaken and half helped with directions from an elderly couple on e-bikes. Jana rode ahead with the gentleman while I rode behind with the lady. It wasn’t much of a conversation unfortunately, she had no idea what I was saying. Not sure if it was my accent or that her hearing aids weren’t turned up enough. Jana didn’t appear to be having much success either. The gentleman obviously had little faith in Jana’s navigation skills as within the 10 minute ride together, he proceeded to explain the directions to the next village at least 5 times to her.
Whilst setting up on the campsite in Uffenheim, I was offered the use of an air pump by a Dutch couple on their honeymoon to blow up our mattresses. Unfortunately standard pump adapters don’t fit our mattresses, so I continue to blow them up with my mouth, almost passing out with each deep exhale. We are not traditionalists and like to think we are spontaneous, however we have our routine now when we arrive at the place we are camping. We build the tent together, correct each other’s pegs in the ground, then I continue with the inside of the tent while Jana starts to cook. I am sure it’s because she doesn’t like my cooking, as she is definitely quicker at building the inside of the tent due to my lack of flexibility.
After a quick visit to Jana’s fathers old school next to the campsite in the morning, we head off towards Ansbach, the GPS says 68km to go!
We spent that night on one of the best campsites we have stayed on till now, in Merkendorf. The small site was attached to the natural swimming pool on the outskirts of the very smart and well kept village. There are no set pitches, so the gentleman running the site showed us a large field and said we can put our tent where we like. There were several other, similar fields to the one we were on, all filled however with local youth groups (linked to the fire brigade and water rescue service) or larger family/friends gatherings. Much to our liking this turned the area into kind of a Magaluf for children during the day, playing classic hits at deafening volumes that finished at 10pm. Perfect for us, as we had an early start continuing south towards the alps.
Birthday Surprise
It’s the 9th of June, a day before my birthday. With Jana planning the route and navigating, my job is to follow and motivate. After a long climb into the woods near Kipfenberg we got to a clearing. The phone navigation (Komoot) was showing to continue straight on, through the clearing. The closer we got to the clearing the more alarmed we became. It turns out that the clearing, and our route, was in-fact the take off point for the local paragliding club. The route was taking us down a sheer cliff face to the village of Böhming 120 meters below. Safe to say we needed an alternative route around and down into the village. My natural instincts kick in and being a keen scout as a child I propose a new route to the left on a trail through the forest. A lady walking her dogs (6 of them…presumably a professional dog walker) confirmed my gut instinct that the path left wound down slowly through the forest to the village below. Splendid.
Well, we must have taken the wrong path left, as the one we were on was getting steeper and narrower with every meter we went forward. Within a few meters it went from a worn natural path to head high stinging nettles and no clear path forward. It was however too late to turn back, the “path” was so steep that there was no way we could push the bikes back up with the bags on. Ignoring Jana’s plea to just take the bags off the bikes and walk back up, we continued forward, downhill. The brambles, stinging nettles and amount of midges became so bad we had to put full rain gear on (trousers and coat) to protect our skin. The bushes in our way soon became branches lying across our path. We were able to move the first few, but the full on upheaved trees after that were too large to budge. Instead of taking the bags off to walk back up 20 meters 20 minutes ago, we were now about 200 meters down the path and had to take the bags off the bikes to carry them over the fallen trees. Still no end in sight.
Both stung, covered in cobwebs and profusely sweating inside our full rain gear in the blistering midday heat, we reach a cyclepath below. This was maybe the slowest and most painful 300 meters we would go on our whole bike journey. So much for gut instincts. I could have sworn I got my navigation badge in the scouts as well.
A few kilometers down the road we arrived at a very posh Spa-Hotel in Schambach where Jana told me we would be getting the directions to the wild camping spot she had booked us for that night. As Jana was inside at reception I was rummaging around in the garden below searching for an outside tap to fill our water bottles. After our adventure an hour or so earlier, we were in desperate need of more water to drink and if there is no water fountain at the wild camping spot, we would need water to wash with later. Covered in dirt and with bloody scratches on my legs, I got a few strange looks from guests relaxing in the garden when I sighed at the “no drinking water” sign next to the tap.
Jana returned from reception with another lady, who introduced herself and continued to say “so your room is on the 3rd floor and you can park your bikes in the garage to the right”. She then continued to talk about the spa and swimming pools! I was completely shell shocked and didn’t know what to say. Something that doesn’t happen too often. A few days in a spa hotel and no biking. What an amazing surprise and birthday present!
Expert Bikepackers Proving a Seven Year Old Wrong
We decided to go west around Munich so set out for Neuburg to follow the Danube and then the river Lech. Whilst sat having lunch in Neuburg, watching the local water rescue teams carry out practice drills, a young family sat on the bench behind us next to our bikes. A boy, approximately 7 years old started sniggering and commented to his father about the fact that we have water bottles attached to the front forks of our bikes “that is stupid”, he said. We didn’t hear the fathers response but I hope he came to our defence. We really have no idea about bikes, maybe the 7 year old knows more about them than we do and we have been doing something wrong this whole time.
We have now been travelling for over 6 weeks and visited 5 different countries so you may now expect us to be almost professionals when it comes to camping, cycling and travelling around. After feeling almost embarrassed by a seven year olds comments we headed away from Neuburg to prove him wrong. We found a picnic bench next to the Danube in a relatively remote area. Perfect for us to prepare and cook dinner before finding a camping spot later that night, to be our first wild camping experience.
Jana began chopping the veg for dinner and I got the camping cooker out. We have a multi fuel cooker (Primus Omnilite ti – for those on the lookout for a professional piece of kit – thank you Jana’s work colleagues that contributed to us being able to afford this device!) so we can cook with gas, petrol, diesel etc. We have been using white spirit that we bought in England a few weeks back, but the bottle is now unfortunately empty. We therefore went to the shop yesterday, knowing that the white spirit wouldn’t last us much longer.
While Jana finished chopping I set up the cooker with the new bottle of “spiritus” that we bought. I went through the same process we had been doing for the last couple of weeks. Only difference, there was no flame and fire after I ignited the cooker. It can’t be my fault, of course, so I start cleaning the machine and taking it apart. We don’t have the instruction manual anymore, obviously, as this would be extra weight and after it worked the first time I proclaimed to already be an expert and therefore didn’t need the manual. In the meantime Jana has prepared everything for dinner and all the raw ingredients are spread out on the table. After multiple attempts and some frantic googling, it turns out “spiritus” isn’t the same as white spirit and our cooker doesn’t work with it. With nobody but ourselves to blame, cold, raw veggies and water was our dinner that night.
After that mini failure we continued with our plan to have our first wild camping experience. There was a cycleway along the side of the Danube. On one side is the river and on the other a pine forest. Every few hundred meters there is a track leading into the forest. As it’s already getting dark we see one of these tracks as the perfect entry point into the forest. A few paces into the forest we then see another, less trodden track that leads to a small clearing. Perfect for us to pitch our tent as it would be completely hidden from sight.
We set up the tent and hide the bikes from sight. By the time we got into our sleeping bags it was close to 11pm and pitch black outside. We said good night to each other and rolled over. BANG!!! A gunshot goes off somewhere nearby. It’s hard to tell where and how far away a noise is when you are in a tent, but this sounded like it wasn’t far away at all. After a heated discussion we decided to stay put, that was surely the last action of the day for the local rangers. The alarm clock rings at 6am, early enough, we hope, to escape without being seen. It’s safe to say we didn’t have the best night’s sleep and wouldn’t be wild camping again any time soon.
Maybe the seven year old in Neuburg was right. Amateurs.
Total Wipeout
Cycling the bike trails along the river Lech were great. The convenience and facilities available when cycling in Germany have only become clear to us now that we have left and I am writing this many weeks later. We took a day off in Augsburg and chilled on the Lech Camping site in Mühlhausen, enjoying and swimming in the lake on-site. There were other bikepackers too, giving us the opportunity to gain vital tips on routes through the Alps and down into Southern Europe! As you have realised, being the amateurs that we are, we hadn’t really thought about or planned that, so thank you Andreas for your recommendation of the Alpe-Adria cycle route.
Our journey along the Lech continued, leading us into the heart of Bavaria and towards our mini goal of the Alps. The countryside was often magnificent and there are soo many highlights that come to mind. I am aware however that you have other things to be doing, if anyone has even got this far down the article. After a night in our tent sleeping next to a spooky witches house we spent the afternoon in the Altenstadt outdoor swimming pool, playing on total wipeout style inflatables. Childish maybe, but the satisfaction from throwing your friend (girlfriend) off the top of an inflatable into the water below felt soo good.
Mountains, Lakes, Waterfalls, 18,000 Policepeople and a Blonde Buffoon
The theme of good food and amazing hospitality in Germany continued with Jana’s auntie, Sanny, and her partner, Ralf. An evening of beer and pizza was exactly what the doctor ordered. Quite literally, what Jana ordered.
To help with our last stopover before the Alps, the next day Sanny arranged for us to meet with a friend of hers who owned a farm. Andrea set us up with a wild camping spot next to a small stream in one of her fields. Once we had set up camp we went for a walk along the stream and found a waterfall to duck under a few hundred meters from our tent. Ideal to cool off after a day of biking in the foothills of the alps.
Last stop in Germany, Mittenwald. We have been here a few times before and love it. We literally couldn’t leave, not because of the 18,000 police people gathering for the G7 summit taking place the week later but because the picturesque Bavarian tourist town has so much to offer. The two days in Mittenwald we had planned turned into a week. We had days out hiking and others relaxing, we even had the opportunity to venture further afield and visit Jana’s cousin and her family in Austria. They have recently built a new, fully automated cow shed. This may be a little off topic, but with cow waterbeds, cow massage machines and a fully automatic robotic vacuum cleaner, I was mesmerized.
On other days, we swam in the Ferchensee, Walchensee and Lautersee lakes and even took e-bikes up to Schachen. Amazing!
Just as a random piece of info, Boris Johnson apparently swam in the Ferchensee lake every morning of the G7 summit.
Ah what a fitting way to end my first ever blog post, British politics. Bet you weren’t expecting that.
(Returning to the title of this section, if you Google the words “blonde buffoon” you find references to Boris Johnson. So I am sorry for the title, Boris, it’s not my work)
A few additional gems from Germany
It doesn’t just take a lot of time and energy to write a blog article, but also a stable internet connection. That is why our posts are usually delayed by a few weeks. Check out this map to see where we are right now or follow us on Instagram for daily updates!
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A great read Joel, fabulous narrative. You haven’t lost your writing style x
Cheers Kezza. Not going to lie, it was a challenge for Jana to get me to sit down for so long to write it!
I loved reading this Joel. It’s sounds like such an amazing adventure. I read parts out to Angelo and the boys who also enjoyed it. Sounds like you’ve met a great woman in Jana. I look forward to hearing your adventures in the future. Claire
Thank you, Claire. Yes Jana is awesome and she definitely keeps me in check. Glad you and the fam enjoyed some of the stories, it definitely was good fun at the time. All the best. Joel
A very amusing read Joel, thanks. Good luck with the trip x
Thank you, Lynne. Great to see you’ve found the blog and somebody else gets my humour as well. 🙂 Best wishes. Joel
Jörg Pieper what’s up my Kraut friend!!! When are you coming back and we can have some beer and you tell me what great experience you two have had!
Have a great time and always drive safely 👌
Yo Sandro! Cheers mate. Could be a while till we are back…the lack of stress is addictive.
Love to your girls. Jörg
Really enjoyed reading this, it made my chuckle 🙂 I’ll check back in to read more about your adventures! Have an awesome trip!
Great to hear, thank you. Have a good one and speak soon!
I think it is about time your girlfriend became your fiancé! Loved your adventures, but I worry about your safety.
No pressure then!
It’s not us you should worry about, it’s the others! 😃
Great read Joel, I wish I was with you. Your glad I’m not.
Thank you, Dad. No not at all, and looking forward to Istanbul!